Its December 7th and...

I don't write much but I thought I'd share this bit from my day journal I keep.

Its December 7th and I'm sitting here on the plane. I pull out my phone, scroll through the typical apps. First instagram, then facebook, then on to pinterest. I flick through pages and come across the quote "What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger" written all sweet and simplistic like, with the daintiest of calligraphy, with a subtle cream - almost light pink - background. I scroll past, not thinking twice, but then I pause... "What doesn't kill you, makes your stronger"

I thought about this for some time. I thought about the things that have caused me pain and caused me hurt and caused me to feel so deeply that the world just seemed to pause. I then went on scrolling and came across these beautiful words by J. Raymond.

 

"They say, 'What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger' ... I don't agree. Some things that didn't kill me, came so close that they are still damaging. They didn't make me better. Some things made me worse. And can't that be okay too? Can't some things just break you? This whole world wants you to believe that admitting defeat makes you weak. But for goodness sake, its okay to bleed. And bleed openly. There is pride in vulnerability. Honesty is maturity. And really, its the things that did kill me, that made me."

 

I read this and chill went up my spine. I spent so much time hiding, fearful to admit the pain or really just the overwhelming emotions that I was feeling. I was failing to see that there is, always, pride in vulnerability. 

So, Its December 7th and I am completely a mess and far from where I want to be but its okay because one day, I will be.